Dialing in from Sky Bunker
19:50 GMT, I’m exhausted. Feels like my brain is a sponge that’s been squeezed dry. Epic few days though. Goes down in the memory vaults as one of those I’ll look back on for the rest of my life. Took a week off work to stay at home and write. Intense creativity, on the back of five previous weeks rattling out a string of brand new short stories. Think I’ve done 13 in 6 weeks, including the most recent, Kalinka which is 9,000 words long – so not quite a short story – and one I am very excited about. Kalinka is actually a novel idea that I’ve distilled down to the essential parts. Not available to grab yet but watch / follow this blog or Twitter or my Facebook page and you can catch it when I post it up.
Today I numbly took a ride into the city with the intention of sitting down in a cafe and staring at the waters of the harbour and not doing much else. Never quite works out that way. The novel idea(s) I had yesterday boiled up into my thoughts. So I mapped out very loose structure for a set of five books. Now have a working title. Magas for the first book, then ending with Magus for number five. Based on how much I enjoyed reducing everything down with Kalinka I might try to do them as extended shorts? Not sure. Nor am I sure when the heck I’ll even be able to make a start on them. Need to finish Oakfield and Sunder Gloom next. Then get back to Rise of the Iconoclast. So… maybe 2015?
Saw Gary Numan play live Thursday night. He’s touring to promote the new Splinter album and of course did some of his old classics too. Really really liking his continuation of the NIN infused sound. The support act, LOSERS were phenomenally good too.
Numan’s work has been heavily influence by personal tragedy and anger. It’s an aggressive sound with a solid mesh of guitars and deep soul punching synthesizer chords. This track, “Lost” touched a nerve for me as I’m approaching the anniversary of my own family loss.
This day I went out for a walk whilst the sun made a brief appearance. Still had to dodge raindrops. My girlfriend was with me and says, “look up”. I do and catch this fragile rainbow directly over my head. I smile and mutter, “Hello mum”. There were dozens of rainbows in the days after she died. So they always hold a special significance for me. Especially this week. The next few days are going to be carrying the memory of what happened leading up to 11/11.
It was a very surreal experience.
Nobody really teaches you how to deal with death of a loved one, which is strange considering how integral a part of living the notion of death can be.
One of the things I did back then that really helped me to cope was to write about the experience of watching her die, being with her.
Perhaps not everyone’s cup of tea but it worked for me.
Back then it really ripped the heart out of me. You get over it, you have to, but when the anniversary rolls around I find it impossible not to think about those strange, painful, and somehow weirdly beautiful days, watching a human being pass over.
If you’ve been through or are going through a similar situation, then here’s a link to my experience. It’s very personal and contains an account of what I wrote down at the time. Hopefully it will help? I don’t know. But sharing grief certainly eases the burden.